#also you don't need to apologise you're welcome to send me asks anytime

[snakesandstone]

Hi sorry to bother but do you have any refrence photos of freyja?

Sorry this took a while, I didn't have any recent coloured drawings of her so I had to scribble this out at work but ya. Here she is. My wife <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas,

i was wondering if i could ask for some advice about a friend of mine. so i have this friend, and their mental health isn't great. often they really struggle to sleep at night, and a bunch of other stuff. and there are so many reasons for that but one of the main recurring ones is that they always feel "second best". they say it a lot and it's kinda become an all-consuming thought for them. they even say that i treat them that way when to me they're my whole world. (afterwards, they apologise and say they don't actually think that but i'm scared they do.)

anyway this has been a problem for a while now and i'm starting to worry that while this happens far too often irl that it's actually happening in their head too. like they're assuming the worst, jumping to conclusions, thinking that everyone hates them just cos they hate themself. i guess in a way it's a coping mechanism, to assume the worst to avoid hoping and getting hurt. but i'm scared it's really detrimental to their mental health as well.

in a way, i guess, they feel a bit paranoid but i don't know how to raise that with them without seeming accusatory and also i don't actually know how often this happens. i've never known it to happen at all, never seen it. and i'm a lil autistic so maybe that's just me not picking up on social cues, but idk. but when they talk to me about it they're always so vague, they avoid saying who or giving away any details. they always say they don't want me to hate the people who have done it, cos apparently it's friends as well as foes.

so i can't really judge the situation, cos idk how severe it is or anything y'know? i'm just really worried about them and idk what to do about it, how to talk to them or even if i should at all.

i want to help them, but i don't want to seem judgemental or pushy and they rarely talk about this kind of thing until they're having a panic attack or smth and i don't want to make things worse at that point. i don't want to bring things up or reopen wounds but at the same time i don't think that they'll bring it up themself cos they always think of themself as a burden and struggle to reach out.

thank you for listening yours, smol anon

Hi!

I think you first need to remember that odds are, nothing you did is triggering these thoughts. A lot of times when someone feels like this, it's their own mental spirals that cause it. So you can help in three ways:

Next time they have a panic moment, tell them that they are welcome to come to you for reassurance about your affection for them ANYTIME. And then, most importantly, when they do, do NOT get annoyed. Show you are a safe space.

Even if it's scary, be affectionate. Remind them you care with words, hugs, whatever. Anything to help fight those voices in their head saying you don't care.

Encourage them to get some help. This seems like a bigger issue, something that you can't just fix. Next time you're talking about it, gently ask if they've ever considered talking to someone about it. Tell them you care, and you dont want them to feel this way about themselves. Phrase it as concern, not judgement, and see how they react.

Sending love!